Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
