Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
