I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
