an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
