How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
