i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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