I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
