i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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