I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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