i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
