I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
