Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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