It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
