I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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