I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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