If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
