come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My underwear smells like fireworks.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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