About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
