I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
kristin has been a bad kristin
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
