I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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