He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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