But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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