but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
