I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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