Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
