Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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