There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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