Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
