There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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