Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
