Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
