I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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