6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
