Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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