I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
