Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
