but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
