I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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