mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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