My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
