He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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