Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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