Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
