Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
