So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
