you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
