There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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