can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
