Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
