There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
